What an offer! I was a junior at Asbury, and at that time, I was an off-the-charts extrovert. It might not seem like I'd be interested in a solitude retreat, but I was all about having as many different opportunities as possible in college. I applied for the grant, got accepted, and set up the details. The Asbury staff member set up my weekend at Knobs Haven in Nerinx, Kentucky. I had no idea at the time, but that "free offer" that just so happened to be at that location has led to a dozen solitude retreats in the years since then, most of them back at Nerinx, Kentucky, on the grounds of the Loretto Motherhouse.
I will write more later about my experiences over the years, but I wanted a place to record the actual times and places of my retreats, since they're all starting to run together in my mind. This list is incomplete until I find better records tucked away in the pages of my journals and poetry notebooks.
Spring? 2005 - Knobs Haven
Spring 2006 - Lake Cumberland (rode with Megan, then separated for our retreat)
- listening to retreat CDs
?2007 ?? - back to Knobs Haven
- reflecting on my journey
August 3-4, 2007 - Cedars of Peace (Joy)
- first time in Cedars
??? - Ark Retreat Center in Berea
- introduced to walking a labyrinth
??? - Ark Retreat Center in Berea
October 8-12, 2010 (my longest -- 5 days, 4 nights) - Cedars of Peace (Wonder)
- counting down to wedding day
May 2011 - Abbey of Gethsemani
- pregnant with Carter
- eating food (and homemade cheese!) prepared by the monks
December 31, 2013 - January 1, 2014 - Cedars of Peace (Joy)
- pregnant with Calvin
- Lucas came along, and we celebrated our anniversary
March 18-20, 2016 - Cedars of Peace (Wonder)
- "You have no idea how much your life is about to change"
- would be pregnant soon with Poppy
February 17-20, 2017 - Cedars of Peace (Joy)
- reading through Cherish
January 19-21, 2018 - Cedars of Peace (Wonder)
- pregnant with Cooper
April 26-29, 2019 - Cedars of Peace (Joy)
- pregnant with Colson
- breaking world record of Scripture memory songs in English from memory (recorded over 3 1/2 hours by the front window)
December 22-24, 2020 - my in-laws' house
- reflect on a crazy (yet wonderful!) Covid year
- it was a bit weird to be in a house with others, but I was pretty much hunkered down in the bedroom experiencing timelessness (until I came downstairs for a meal)
May 6-11, 2021 - Cedars of Peace (Joy)
- my longest retreat. Lucas was so generous in offering to take care of the boys, who started a new online homeschooling curriculum.
Here are some reflective poems from some of my retreats:
(written 3-19-16)
I've lost track of time
Literally.
Could be anywhere
between 11:00 and 4:00
Maybe.
I made chili for lunch
but I'm really not that hungry
and wonder if it's even lunchtime anyway.
Timelessness
Just the way I like it.
Open to Your promptings
to walk on that log
or nap
or read old journal entries
or savor my oatmeal breakfast
instead of multi-tasking
or sit in the middle of the path
to see the bluebells up close
or walk the labyrinth at dusk
or listen to the hoot owls
It sure is good to be back!
--
(written 3-19-16)
On most solitude retreats,
I come in empty
looking to be filled
looking for an experience
that will carry me
through the coming months
But discipline, slowing, and solitude
were never practiced at home
so my tank would inevitably
become empty again
Well, this time, I'm coming in FULL
amazed at how You meet with me
every morning
and how You're changing me
and giving me a hunger for Your Word
The pressure's off
to "get my fill" here,
so I just get to rest
and soak
and continue in what You're showing me
It's a pleasant change.
--
(written 2-18-17)
Don't just sit there. Do something!
That's how I live
I'm the Queen of multi-tasking
getting something ready while brushing my teeth
talking on the phone while driving home
reading the newspaper while eating breakfast
folding laundry while watching TV
listening to a sermon while doing the dishes
I justify my multi-tasking
and make productivity an idol.
Here, it's different
Here, the directive is...
Don't just do something. Sit there!
And this single-tasking is a discipline
eating without reading
listening to music without writing poetry or working on verses
watching a wasp meander/crawl around in the chapel without praying or reading Scripture
just sitting and staring out the window
Single-tasking, being present, living slowly
It can feel like such a waste of time
but what if this is what You want more of?
What if productivity doesn't always have to be the goal?
What if intentional slowing is just as valuable?
What if this is how my soul is nourished,
not by reading all the latest books on how-to-nourish-your-soul
And here I sit.
--
(written 2-19-17)
I came empty-handed --
no Bible, journal, or ukulele
I came without expectations --
I don't have to hear something profound
You don't have to speak something tweet-able or poem-worthy
I don't have to be able to boil the experience down to a nugget of truth
You don't have to show me something through nature that I've never considered before
I don't even have to sing, talk, pray, or try to listen
My one objective is to breathe deeply
of the peace in these woods
If You want to speak, that's fine
If a poem results, that's fine
but I'm content to just be with You
even if there are no words to sum up the experience
I came empty
I left full
No comments:
Post a Comment