'Twas the Night before...

'Twas the night before the first day of school...except I'm no longer teaching at "my" school.  This time last year, I was so ready to be back into the routine of working and being out of the house and sending our oldest boys off to their school. My classroom was (mostly) set up. I was looking forward to another magical year teaching fifth grade.

And here I am. My "classroom" is no longer on display -- it's packed into loads of boxes. We're not officially starting homeschooling till after Labor Day. There have been no orientations, for me or for the boys. No back-to-school shopping with hard-to-find items on the supply lists. No teacher in-service (well, except for the "training" I'm giving myself by reading lots of books!). We're still kind of in the same stay-at-home pattern than we've been in for months on end. 

As I took an after-bedtime, before-sunset one-on-one walk with Calvin, I was struck with how much I love my life. (even all the craziness and chaos and noise and nonsense). Holding his hand until he'd get impatient and run ahead and then come back to me. Talking about all sorts of things -- how we should invent robots to do all the work for us, how we're both scared of dogs, how the sidewalk got cracked. It was nice. And this is our new reality. As my colleagues head to school tomorrow, I'll be home with my boys all day. As much as I used to want to get away, I'm becoming more content and grateful to stay.

Thinking about being in a separate reality from the frenzy of back-to-school prep reminded me of this poem I had written. I finally found it and was surprised that I wrote it exactly five years ago. My life was different then -- I was at another school I loved, teaching music and technology. Carter was 3 and coming to school with me for the 3-year-old preschool class. Calvin was 1 and home with Daddy. I was driving at least 30 minutes to and from school every day (which I considered an extension to Carter's preschool experience). 

I rarely write in rhyme -- it's hard to make it flow and sound natural. I think I just started with a rhyme and then kept going, even when it was a bit forced. Though my life was different five years ago and even one year ago, I can still relate and remember...

(poem written 8-11-15)

'Twas the night before the first day of school

        and all through my head

            are the shoulda, coulda, wouldas

                that fill me with dread

I should've packed our lunches

I could've gone to bed

    but I spent several hours

        on Facebook instead

I don't have plans for tomorrow

    but do I really need them?

Most already know me

    so it's hard to mislead them

I wish I'd printed rosters

    and made a powerpoint intro

I wish I'd decluttered

    and kept my to-do list central

It'll be hard to get to sleep

    and I'll wake up at 6

        just in time for breakfast to eat

            and lunches to fix

But I heard a voice

    as I drifted into the night

Don't worry. Be yourself.

    It will be all right.