Sometimes intentionally
and sometimes unintentionally
I leave things in my winter coat pockets
for me to discover half a year later
Last week, on a day cold enough
that I needed my winter coat,
I was walking laps around the playground
"talking to myself" (as my boys thought)
and reviewing the book of Romans,
a chapter at a time.
My hands reached into my pockets
some Dove chocolates (still good?),
a band-aid wrapper,
pieces of an ink pen my son had taken apart,
and an index card that I curiously pulled out to inspect.
On it was written:
"Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus,
called to be an apostle..."
It was the first seven verses of Romans
from back in January when I was just embarking
on this adventure of memorizing the whole book.
Back when I didn't know what I was getting myself into
Back when I was stuck on the first few verses
and wondered how I could ever do the whole thing
Back when it all felt so overwhelming
But day by day,
verse by verse,
chapter by chapter,
I kept at it.
Some days more victorious than others
Some days more overwhelming than others
And here I am
a year later
ready to recite the whole book
to a live online audience
I think of those small, regular decisions...
...to write another song
...to review the previous chapter
...to write out my verse
...to recite to my sons
...to listen to the audio and try to fill in some words
...to find an existing song I could use
...to walk laps around the playground "talking to myself"
All those added up to where I find myself today
On the contrary,
I think of all my New Years' desires to be closer to Jesus
that were met with small, regular decisions
not to pursue Him
in the daily,
in the ordinary,
in the seemingly inconsequential
that resulted in a December looking back
without much growth
and no real traction for moving forward
This was the year-after-year script of my 20s
I'm convinced that the dramatic
is built up over time
with small choices,
and simple habits,
one verse at a time,
one day at a time,
always intentionally.
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