(poem written on 12-18-20)
I've always wanted to "do big things for God."
I want my life to count.
I want to leave a legacy.
And here I am. At home with 4 boys.
No longer teaching music to preschool - middle school.
No longer leading elementary chapel.
No longer investing deeply in a small group of fifth graders.
No longer serving in children's ministry
(since our family still hasn't been in a church building, all these months later).
And I found myself dreaming again
of influence, significance, leadership
...someday...
when the Coronavirus has blown past (will it ever?)
when I have more bandwidth
when the boys are older
And I heard a whisper
BE FAITHFUL WITH WHAT I'VE PUT IN FRONT OF YOU
(yes, I hear God in all caps,
not in a rude, shouting way
but in an Almighty, set apart way)
I realized in all my dreaming
that I was neglecting what was in front of me
In my quest to make a difference in the world
(once my boys are older)
I'm abdicating my role in training them now, for the world
Instead of pausing to pray for my Chinese students by name
during the countdown until class time,
I'm too busy clicking around on whatever glittery thing grabs my attention on the Internet
I want to be like Nehemiah
and lead the charge in rebuilding the wall
But, for now,
He's called me to be like Zadok
who repaired the wall opposite his own house
He's called me to be like the guards
posted in front of their own homes
He's not asking me to go BIG
but to go small,
to go deep
to be present in the ordinary
Faithful to the mundane tasks in front of me
Faithful to the people in front of me (in person or through a screen)
Faithful to the requests He brings to my mind to pray for
Faithful to the one section of wall in front of me
even if it doesn't feel significant
even if it doesn't lead to a great harvest
even if I never know how He chooses to ripple my faithfulness
He's not asking me to be significant or successful
He's asking me to be faithful
(This precious boy is part of the "wall" in front of me)
No comments:
Post a Comment