Here are some photo and poem glimpses into my solitude retreat:
My home for five nights. This was my first time in the cabin called "Grace" (all my previous retreats have been in "Joy" and "Wonder")
the "pregnant" tree outside my cabin window
the sitting area (I spent a lot of time in that chair!) leading into the kitchen area
the desk area
my view out the window
All of the cabins at Cedars of Peace have a journal where fellow sojourners staying in that cabin share their reflections. I always read through all the previous journal entries and then add my own at the end of my stay.
I usually reflect a lot via poetry in between my reading, singing, and hiking:
Connected (8-23-22)
My connectedness brain is seeing on new levels
how trees are connected to each other and to us
how bees are connected to 1/3 of every mouthful of food
how body and soul are connected
how sleep and spiritual growth are connected
When I haphazardly pull a leaf off a tree,
it hampers its ability to produce food and grow
When I kill a bee to keep it from stinging me,
it can no longer pollinate the nearby plants
When I sit sedentarily all day to sharpen my mind,
I'm lessening the likelihood that my mind will have a working body
forty years from now
When I wake up super early to read my Bible,
I'm less effective in living out what I've read
because I'm too tired and cranky
What I do
affects more than just me
I am to grow up in every way...
so that
when each part is working properly
the body grows
so that
it builds itself up in love
Family and friends and fellow believers
Trees and bees and chimpanzees
Body and mind and spirit
All are connected
And it matters, in this community,
that I do my part
that I am rooted and established
because You have plans for my branches (and roots!)
Solitude Day Two (8-24-22)
Here's what my Tuesday/Day Two looked like:
finally woke to light instead of dark, so I got up
walked to Joseph's Lake
(stopped there because my socks were too wet to get to Mary's)
wrote in gratitude journal, finished Amazing Love Story
observed and reflected about the dewy spider webs
headed back when my hoodie got too hot
took communion at some point
enjoyed a big bowl of oatmeal
wrote song for John 15:18-27
took a shower and braided my hair
read first eight chapters of The Fisherman's Lady
wrote out beginning of John 15
ate some crackers and hummus
walked to Cedars library to look for Lewin and Berry poems
came back with Hidden Life of Trees and art supplies
read eight chapters of Hidden Life of Trees
ate jam bar + yogurt + coconut + walnuts
sang John 15 song again
read through my old journal entries
read two chapters of The Good and Beautiful God
walked to Mary's Lake and reflected on the sycamore swing
closed the windows and curtains
fixed more delicious burritos
perused Grace journals again
read a chapter of Holier than Thou
sang and played praise songs
None Like You, God of Wonders, Praise Be, Holy Holy)
stopped when fingers hurt (for lack of callouses)
wrote more poems
read through John 14
brushed teeth and headed for bed!
Quantifiable (8-27-22)
I feel so much more productive
reading books
or writing poetry
than I do sitting
quieting
noticing
sensing
beholding
and perhaps it's because
reading and writing
have a tangible end-PRODUCT
# of books read
# of poems read
How can I quantify the value
of sitting still surrounded by nature?
Is it any less valuable
when there's nothing visible to show
for my time spent?
Yet soul care often can be quantified
and being still is a prerequisite for knowing God
Here Comes the Night (8-22-22)
The sun is sinking low on the horizon
painting the countryside golden
And as I bask in the warmth and beauty
of the sunset
I'm all too well aware
which is my least favorite time here
You've delivered me out of so many fears
and panicked anxiety
and worst case scenarios
and step-step-steps outside my window (was it a deer?)
since my first nights here
But still,
I dread the nighttime
just as I dread change
and childbirth
and getting older
(and everyone around me getting older, too)
I know You're faithful
and I know You're with me
and I know You've gently led me through the night here
but that's part of my fear --
the fear of what You might ask me to do
in the middle of the night
Sometimes You whisper to me in the middle of the night
and I'm learning to be obedient
but that doesn't make it any easier
to step out into the dark,
terrified of what's lurking in the shadows
but knowing You're holding my hand
You taught me trust and obedience then,
but can I get a different lesson this time around?
or maybe the same lesson but at a different time of day?
that the sunset ushers in the night
Holy God (8-23-22)
My praise muscles have become weak
Is it atrophy from apathy?
Lack of regular times of worship with fellow believers?
Too much of an inward focus -- on me and my needs?
Singing primarily the verses I'm working on?
Jackie Hill Perry is taking me on a tour of Your holiness --
how complete transcendent
other-worldly
self-existent
above all
higher, greater
You are
King Uzziah, like all other earthly kings before and since,
was limited by scope and time
52 years
(a lot to me,
a blink to You)
It was the year he died that Isaiah saw the High King
We throw around titles like "King of kings" and "Almighty"
without stopping to ponder them
Holy isn't just an attribute -- it's You
You are holy
holiness = You
and You don't switch in and out of attributes
one day loving
the next day vengeful
It's all You all the time
My response?
Praise. There is no one like You!
Repentance. I am a woman of unclean lips.
A desire for holiness. Set me apart for Your purposes.
"Better" (8-25-22)
I confess
that sometimes I consider myself superior
when I'm doing something like
reading a ton of books
memorizing the book of John
spending days in silence and solitude
(please forgive me)
but I got to thinking...
which is more holy?
me spending these days cloistered away with my Maker?
or Lucas sacrificing time, energy, and sanity so I could be here?
Is one "better" than the other?
Is one more esteemed or valued?
Oh, that I wouldn't live as Judge
playing the comparison game
constantly weighing where I fit on my self-made hierarchy
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