Enough, Next Times, As The World Turns

9-28-26 - Enough

I've felt this feeling before

    The I-still-have-a-hundred-things-I-could-do-

    but-I've-reached-the-point-of-"enough" feeling

As I waited for each of my 5 sons to be born,

    I kept nesting, kept checking things off,

    but "If the baby comes today, it's okay.

                                                I've done enough."

As I prepped my classroom each year for First Day of School,

    my to-do list (or could-do list) was still long,

    but I reached the point of "Ready or not, here they come!

                                                I guess I've done enough."

As we're down to 2 sleeps (!) before leaving,

    I'm realizing that my could-do list

                                is longer than my will-have-time-to-do list

    I won't have time to

        mow that stretch of grass beside the driveway

        get everything perfectly organized in our home

        finish those photo book Christmas presents (I can work on them in Japan)

        finish Level 3 of my Japanese language audio course

        research all the hidden gems and tourist tips (never-ending!)

            but I've just about reached "enough"

I still have time to do

    all that needs to be done

        and that's enough

9-29-26 - Next Times

 

As I ate my quesadilla tonight

    in a scrounge-around,

        eat-whatever-clears-the-fridge dinner

    I had the thought...

        The next quesadilla I eat 

            will be on board the cruise ship at El Loco Fresh

And I got to thinking of other "Next times"

The next time I worship with

    my First Alliance church family (in person)

        will be after Christmas!

The next time I fold clothes at home,

    it won't be shorts weather anymore!

The next time I wander around a grocery store,

    everything will be in Japanese!

The next time I sleep in my bed

    will be 87 days from now

The next time I fill up on gas

    will be in December 

        (I wonder what the gas prices will be then?)

The next time we pass food around the table in Lexington,

    we will have been to Japan and back

        with stories to tell

Makes me think of another meal...    

The next time You eat a Passover meal (Luke 22:15-16)

    will be with me and all Your followers

        when the Kingdom of God has come!

9-30-26 - As the World Turns

There have been times

    when my world has stopped

        but everyone else's 

            keeps going

Milling around the grocery store

    with a hundred strangers

        who have no idea

            that we just lost a baby

            or that my dad just died

    My mind is numb...

    Everything has changed...

        while everyone else

            goes about their normal day

This week, milling around the grocery store

    with people buying bread to pack for their work lunch tomorrow,

    and I'm buying snacks in preparation

        for an international trip

    It's not every day you can say,

        "I'm going to Japan this week!"

            (or at least setting sail for Japan)

    Unlike in my days of grief,

        there's a spring in my step

        and a song in my heart

            (that yes, I sang aloud in Wal-Mart)

We never know what joys and sorrows

    that random strangers are currently facing

Calvin's Pre-trip Perspective

Calvin, Age 12

What are you looking forward to on the cruise?

The food and the shows and doing all the activities.

What are you looking forward to in Japan?

Walking around, seeing everything, some of the food, and going to see Nintendo things.

What are you nervous about?

The weather in Japan. They have a lot of earthquakes and tidal waves.

What do you think about Japanese food?

I like rice balls and I want to try takoyaki [fried octopus] and the super cheap vending machine foods. They have heaters inside them so they can have pre-heated food.

Why are we going to Japan?

Because my mom and dad have wanted to go there for a long time, and there was a good deal on a cruise to get there, so they booked it.

What are some Japanese words/phrases you already know?

Watashi wa karubin desu / My name is Calvin.

Can you read in Japanese yet?

Yes I can read Hiragana (ひらがな) and Katakana (カタカナ) but not Kanji (漢字). 

Hiragana and katakana are more like letters but kanji has a specific thing for every individual noun like instead of writing tree with t-r-e-e it is just one thing like spelling tree t.

What makes Japanese difficult?

If you translate a sentence from English to Japanese it will be backwards like if I say "Hi, my name is Calvin," it would be "Calvin, hi my name is."

How do you think you will be different when you come back to America?

I will have been to another continent and whenever I talk to a Japanese person I try to talk clearer and slower so they can understand me so I'll have to get used to talking faster again.

"On Mission" and "Japan is Calling"

9-24-26 - On Mission

On past mission trips

    to teach English in Thailand

    to partner with a church in Salt Lake City

    to aid in hurricane-ravaged Mississippi

        my mission began

            when I arrived

But here I am

    a week before leaving for Japan,

        and my mission has already begun in full force

It began last November

    when our years-long dream of "someday"

    turned into actually booking specific dates

That's when

    my language-learning went into overdrive

    my prayer for "a Japanese friend" prompted me

        to volunteer at Friendship International

        instead of waiting for one to come to me

    I started gaining confidence to go up to Asian moms at parks and libraries

        on the chance there may be a Japanese connection

    I started spending regular time praying for the nation

And the sowing has already started...

36 Japanese moms have come to 11 park play dates I hosted over the spring and summer

16 came to at least one of three bilingual preschool music times

10 have come over for lunch

6 have come with their families for dinner

I've helped one family in particular

    to experience the American culture

        of hosting a lemonade stand

            going tent-camping

            sharing a Thanksgiving feast

            participating in a church youth group

In other words, 

    I'm not waiting

        until I arrive on Japanese soil

            to learn

                connect

                share

                shine

It has already begun!

And it will continue when I get back!

Better than an isolated "mission trip"

    is living "on mission" every day!

9-24-26 - Japan is Calling

"Japan is calling!"

Lucas and I have been

    saying that phrase to each other

        for several years

    whenever life here feels too hard

    or we're frustrated by America's political climate

    or when when we feel like we need a fresh start

    or when adventure is preferable to mundane

    or when our kids are driving us crazy

Japan is calling!

We say it as if Japan 

    will magically solve all our problems --

        as if everything is better

            in Japan

But as we drove home from youth group last night,

    and our boys were LOUD

                                and bickering

                                and CRAZY,

    it was a not-so-gentle jolt back to reality

Japan is not a cure-all

Our loud American kids will be loud in Japan, too

    (and in fact it will be MORE stressful for me there

        because LOUD is not a value of the Japanese!)

The same problems/issues/struggles I have here,

    I'll be taking with me there

Sure, life is hard here in America

    but at least I'm fluent in the language

                                            and culture

                                            and transportation

                                            and cooking

                                            and stores

                                            and measuring systems

                                            and currency

                                            and expected behavior

Japan will be an adventure

    but it will not be easy

I'm delusional is I think

    it will solve all my problems

        (because it will add to my problems!)

I'm wondering if two months

                        is long enough

                        for the honeymoon phrase

                            to wear off --

                        when the stress of a new culture

                            (with 5 kids in tow!)

                                doesn't feel worth it

Regardless of what may happen,

    Japan is calling

Ready or not,

    here we come!

Spiritual Growth

1-16-25 (and finished on 8-26-26)

If I speak in the tongue of Christianese

    but do not love my neighbor

        then it's all just babble

If I earn a master's degree

    but do not stoop to look my child in the eye

        then that certificate means nothing

If I own a home

    but do not care for the homeless

        then I am not a channel of the blessings God has given me

If I memorize verses and passages and books of the Bible,

    but do not meditate on them or all myself to be transformed by them,

        then it's just for show

If I lead a women's Bible study and serve with middle schoolers and preschoolers

    but do not disciple my children

        then I have missed my true calling

If I am always smiling around others

    but forget to smile at my own children

        then my children will remember me as a hypocrite

If I consider myself a joyful, fun-loving person

    but neglect to "make our home a place of joy,"

        then that joy is only skin-deep, not joy like a fountain

If I spend over an hour reading my Bible and praying

    but don't actually connect with Jesus

        then it's all just religious activity

If I read over 200 books in a year

    but fail to tend to my home

        then I have misplaced priorities

If I am proud of my husband

    but never tell him or others

        then he is left to wonder

If I invest in all my friendships near and far

    but neglect my marriage

        then I have failed in the one relationship that's singularly mine to invest in

If I have read through the Bible ten times

    but don't obey what I read,

        then I'm treating it as mere literature

If I say I'm a Christian

    but do not look more like Jesus every year,

        then I join all the cultural Christians who are Christians by name, not deed

If I say my faith is the most important thing to me

    but don't share it with anyone else

        then is it really the most important thing to me?

11-18-25

Doing the dishes

    Another task

    or an opportunity to serve my family and bring order

Decluttering

    Another task

    or a bridge to increased capacity and hospitality

Learning Japanese

    Another hobby

    or a means to communicate and connect on a deeper level

Listening to "The Power of Moments"

    Another audiobook

    or an eye-opening way to view pits and milestones

Walking laps around the neighborhood

    Another time to check off the list

    or an opportunity for exercise, clear thinking, prayer, meditation

Putting my boys to bed

    Another obstacle before my own bedtime

    or an opportunity to love, pray over, hem in

Sitting in my blue chair

    Another round of "me time"

    or sitting in the presence of my Father as He fills my tank for the day

Most anything in my day

    can be consecrated

        if I offer it up to You

        if I include You in the process

        if I draw my thoughts back to You

1-3-26

I've declared You the Lord of my life,

    but are You the Lord of my days?

Have I made You Lord over the moments 

                                        that make up my life?

Do I even think to ask You

    What do You want me to do right now?

    What do You want our family to focus on?

    How do You want me to spend this free hour?

    What goal do You have for me?

    Who do You want me to talk to in this atrium?

    Who do You want me to text to encourage?

    Who do You want me to pray for?

    What do You want me to give this person?

    What do You want me to say?

    How do You want me to love my husband and my sons today?

    What do You want to talk to me about on this walk?

Asking is just the first part

    It's a step in the right direction

 but it's obeying what You say

    that proves my allegiance

1-12-26

Just show up

Not every time is productive or meaningful

    but we still show up

Over time, that consistency builds community and traction

    deeper than a one-time high

                    or a seismic, life-changing moment

We think that if our time with God is not

        effective, meaningful, purposeful, productive, fruitful,

            then it's been a waste

It may not live up to the hype,

    but come back next time.

        Keep at it!

Faithfulness is "a long obedience in the same direction"

Discipleship begins with showing up

Such was Dan's sermon

    and I felt affirmed

        because that's exactly what I have been doing

From early prayer journals in the 90s

    to following You over decades and seasons and transitions

Oh, I've experienced the highs,

    but I've also put in the work of showing up

        faithfully adding to the well

            that I can draw from later

Small, seemingly inconsequential habits of

    reading the Bible deeply and widely

    memorizing Scripture even when it feels like a chore

    volunteering in the church and outside the church

    having weekly date nights with Lucas

    fostering an environment of faith in the home

    opening our home for meals with others

    learning Japanese as an eternal investment

    building community with others in our church family

    recording my gratitude to a good God

    prioritizing time outside and travel

    ...are adding up with compound interest

            into this beautiful life

I'm becoming who I want to be

    and Dan's right--

        Showing up is half the battle.