Virtual School here in town

So, the superintendent of our public schools has announced that all schools will begin completely virtually this fall (until at least the end of September). This came as a bit of a surprise because the parent survey sent out a couple weeks ago did not even list this as an option. The county south of us is offering the choice of in-person instruction with masks (5 days/week for elementary and middle and 2 days/week for high school) or a virtual learning academy. My hometown in Indiana is going back like "normal" (although they probably have to wear masks, too). There was no perfect solution, but I think streamlining it to all online allows teachers and staff to focus their energies on doing that well. The superintendent said they had invested in an online curriculum that was more robust than the emergency Non-Traditional Instruction days from the spring.

Lucas' first comment was, "Homeschool is canceled! Set the kids in front of the screen!" I'll admit that I did have that thought -- it sure would be easier to just hop on to the resources provided by the school district. However, the time of homeschooling that I enjoyed the most last spring was when I was in charge of their learning those first two weeks, and I didn't have to defer to another teacher, and I was able to tailor their instruction to their needs. We skipped ahead in math, but then writing was like pulling teeth, so I simplified that.  

I view this school year as a "trial year" for homeschooling to see how it works for our family. Although it won't be a typical homeschooling year as far as being able to enjoy a co-op or take fieldtrips or go to the library, I will be in charge of when and how and what we "school."  By staying at their public school just for the formality or for the resources wouldn't allow me to teach the way I want. I ordered all our curriculum before the announcement, so we are committed!

This also shows that it would not have been possible for me to stay at my school (a private Christian school), which is planning on in-person instruction for the fall, since all four boys would have to be at home. Well, I guess Lucas could do it, but he sure wouldn't be able to get much work done while wrangling all the boys.

I'm thankful we have options. I'm thankful for a superintendent who is putting safety over people-pleasing. I'm thankful I was already on these pages of homeschooling ever since my seminary class this spring with a homeschool super fan.

This isn't easy. Lucas said that many schools all around the world will be trying out every possible scenario for what "school" will look like this fall. Only time will tell who made the right call.

Thankful Thursday

JESUS, You are good, and You give good gifts. Thank you for these gifts in my life...

40,851. family walk in the back neighborhood

40,852. different combinations of boys playing together

40,853. early morning time alone

40,854. able to listen to Bible on phone

40,855. so many translations at my fingertips

40,856. finally picked our homeschool curriculum

40,857. math, LA - independent

40,858. Bible, history, science - family-style

40,859. frees me up to enrich and be creative

40,860. Carter doing Bible and piano without being told

40,861. Carter finished reading Action Bible

40,862. marking in his Young Readers Bible verses for his kids to memorize

40,863. making up his own Scripture song at the piano

40,864. "So I get to keep this Bible until I go to college?" :-)

40,865. brownies with peanut butter, M&M's, chocolate chips, whip cream

40,866. new trails behind the school

40,867. Marco Polo for short snippets of our day

40,868. fly swatters

40,869. later class today

40,870. less prep now for classes

40,871. less time to write feedback

40,872. confidence has grown

40,873. it has arrived

40,874. Lucas did all the dishes last night

40,875. more things cleared from freezer

40,876. headache went away

(poem written on 5-22-20)

I love You

I love this family You've given me

I love this life You're given me

My heart overflows...

    so, so many blessings!

Sitting on the back deck with my husband

Listening to the squeals and splashes of my boys playing well together

Reminiscing on a great finale and a great school year

Looking forward to a summer and homeschooling adventure

    full of possibilities

Seeing Your lead of love as I look back

Seeing Your lead of love as  I look ahead

Feeling the sunshine and the breeze

Sensing Your pleasure over me...

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

May my life be a thank offering to You

School - Bizarre

This week, our county is announcing the ever-evolving plan for public schools this fall. While we haven't officially sent our homeschool letter to the superintendent, we've already notified the principal at the boys' school. It's nice to not be at the mercy of what the school board will decide. We've been super cautious and strict with social distancing (more than anyone I know!), and I'm glad that I came to the decision of homeschooling from my own desire and free will (and with the blessing of my husband) without being backed into it kicking and screaming, like many will be. The school where I've taught for 3 years is planning to go back like normal, with certain precautions in place and with a "watch live from home" option. I'm still excited about homeschooling, but there are things I will miss about teaching in a regular classroom. I have to remind myself, though, that so much of what I loved about teaching -- the interactions, the fieldtrips, the I-know-you're-fifth-graders-but-come-to-the-carpet-for-storytime gatherings -- won't look the same. I'm thankful that our family is able to homeschool, and I don't envy those in leadership right now. There are no win-win solutions. 

JESUS, You are the Source of all wisdom. I ask for Your wisdom for these superintendents and principals and school boards and teachers making incredibly difficult decisions. Give them clarity of thought. Give them great creativity to think in new and innovative ways. Give them courage to face the school year. You are present, and You want to walk with us through difficult days. May we turn to You and not away from You in this time. In Jesus' name, Amen!

This was Calvin's kindergarten teacher, the assistant, and the interpreter.

We drove through to drop off their remaining assignments and to pick up a graduation gift.

---

(poem written 5-1-20)

There is a rollout plan

    for some businesses 

        to start re-opening in May

So some have the sense of 

    "This is almost over"

        and they consider quarantine

            in the past tense:

    "What were your favorite meals you made during quarantine?"

Yet I feel this is just beginning

    Crazy to say that after 7 weeks, this could be "just beginning"

It felt long that we'd be out 2 weeks from school

    then the rest of the year,

        but I'm already looking to next year

I had wanted to do homeschooling

    because I like all the quality time with my boys

    and because we are thriving as a family

I wasn't even thinking about the risks

    of sending the boys back to school

        pre-vaccine

That seems to solidify the decision

A second wave is inevitable

How long will this thing drag out?

When will we return to "normal?"

    Or will we ever?

---

(poem written 5-26-20)

Bizarre

That's the word that keeps coming to mind

Bizarre

    to be packing up my classroom

        alone

        with my door shut

        talking to my colleagues through my mask or through my door

            instead of dropping in whenever I think of something to tell them

                or whenever I need whiteboard spray or a staple remover

Bizarre

    to be finishing the end of the school year

    without all the normal end-of-the-school-year hoopla

Bizarre

    to be wrapping up my time at Summit

    where I thought I'd be for years to come

Bizarre

    to be so conscious about germs

    after years of an it'll-build-their-immune-system way of life

Here I am

    wearing a mask

        not even touching doorknobs

        paranoid about having to go to the bathroom in public

Bizarre

    to stand so far apart when talking to someone

    to wipe down groceries before putting them away

    to shoo my children away from neighbors or walkers

but it's also bizarre

    to have some semblance of "normal"

    when the world right now is anything but normal

       

This "Exit Only" door was where I entered school every morning for 3 years. 

It's still hard to believe that it's not "my school" anymore.

A Swing and a Hit/Miss

(written 4-27-20)

A swing

    and a hit    

        Carter made a list of verses to memorize

    and a miss

        Carter threw a slobbering fit when asked to play a song on the piano

A swing

    and a hit

        Calvin is super helpful with his little brothers and me

    and a miss

        Calvin is also super buggy/touchy with his brothers and me

A swing

    and a hit

        Cooper can consistently count to 10 on his own

    and a miss

        Cooper's first morning of potty training -- 5 (pee/poop in undies) to 0 (pee/poop in potty)

A swing

    and a hit

        Colson's eating more and more "regular" foods

    and a miss

        Colson wasn't ready for the edges of Cheez-its

Such is motherhood

A series of hits and misses

    but the homeruns make up for the strikeouts

    and you can't get a hit if you don't swing

Grandma - Crossing the Finish Line

(I don't think this was her last Christmas, but it was one of her last)

"Alzheimer's is a terrible disease for such a wonderful woman." That's how my oldest brother Matt began his remarks at Grandma's funeral in January 2009. My grandpa had switched to Heritage nursing home before his death in January 1999. Grandma eventually followed -- first, selling their home (so, so sad to say goodbye to that house of memories!); then, at an assisted living facility on the other side of town; finally, at the same nursing home where we said goodbye to Grandpa. 

I grew up going to nursing homes to visit grandparents and to sing carols at Christmas, so I wasn't bothered by them. As we got older, my brothers and I would even bring our instruments to sing familiar hymns in the dining room. There was power in the familiarity of the music. Long after Grandma had forgotten many things, she could still sing along with the hymns from her past.  It was one of our last remaining points of connection.  

I'm not sure when she was actually diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but by the end of 2008, the disease had robbed her of all the things I had known and loved about my grandma. She even looked different. When I visited her at the nursing home that Christmas, I realized that though she was still alive, I had already said goodbye to who she once was. She passed away not long after in January. 

I'm grateful that her story doesn't end there.  The legacy of how she created community, cultivated "home," and cooked amazing meals lives on in our hearts. And, most importantly, because of how she trusted in Jesus for salvation and centered her life on Christ, she is now healed and whole in heaven with a new body and a new mind "in a land where we'll never grow old."

(three poems, written on 12-26-08)

I visited my grandma today

Or what's left of her

No, she's not dead

but she might as well be.

Is that horrible of me?

   to wish my grandma was dead?

Sounds horrible...

   but not if you know the situation.

The truth is,

   she's not living anymore

She's a shell of what once was.

Even now

   I'm struggling to find closure

   to say good to my grandma

      who is already gone.

--

My only grandma left

    is slowly fading

It gets worse

    each time we visit

First, not recognizing me

Now, not even talking

First, a twinkle in her eye

Now, a blank stare

First, a faint recollection of familiar hymns

Now, not a recollection of anything

It was sad

    and it's getting sadder

        each time

            I see her.

--

The nurses at Heritage nursing home

    haven't a clue

    of what my grandma was like

She was kind

She was patient

She worked hard

She loved much

She opened her home

She opened her heart

She cooked for us

She dined with us

She held the family together

She held me in her arms

She made my bed

She made my day

She prayed for me

She taught me how to pray

She took care of her ailing husband

She took care of me when I was sick

She read to me

She played with me

She sang

She giggled

All these things she did

    are but a memory    

        and the nurses haven't a clue

 --

(written on 1-22-09)

I wrote a poem about Grandma

    the last time I saw her

Who knew that that last time 

    would be

        the last time I saw her

I kind of expected it.

I should have guessed.

The reality, the finality of it all,

    rocked me more than

        I would have guessed.

This was one of our Christmas Eve gatherings. After Grandma moved out of her house, we celebrated Christmas at various houses over the years. I'm guessing it was around the early 2000s when I was in college. Grandma was still able to join us that year.

Playing and singing at the nursing home

It's Thankful Thursday!

Before I go to bed, I try to record at least a couple things from the day that I can record in my gratitude journal. It's a way for me to focus on gratitude instead of complaint. I may go days or weeks without writing anything and then list a couple pages' worth another day. I do number them (at least, the top ones on each page) as a way to "count my blessings, name them one by one."

When I taught fourth and fifth grades, I gave each student a gratitude journal for them to record their own blessings at the end of the day. Often, on Thursdays, we call it "Thankful Thursday," and plaster our blessings all over the white board. Usually, things like "pizza" and "Clash of Clans"  would be up there, but I would remind them that if "every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1)," then we really can thank Him for ALL things.

I thought I would type out some of my own gratitude journal items on "Thankful Thursdays" here on the blog. It probably won't happen every week, but it can be a reminder to any readers to try the discipline, too! (After all, it was a blog where I first found out about it!)

Sometimes, at the top of the page, I will write a short prayer to remind myself that it's God I'm praising for these things. I'm not writing for the sake of a "feel-good" practice.

JESUS, You are the Giver of every good and perfect thing. In the big and momentous and in the small and ordinary, You delight in the details of my life. Thank you for Your provision of one blessing after another. Give me eyes to see all the good!

40,761. a few quiet moments while dinner's in the oven

40,762. in the middle of several good books

40,763. Colson's wild hair

40,764. a drive around town today

40,765. We're debt free (cue the Dave Ramsey scream!)

40,766. Lucas' hard work and diligence

40,767. working as a team

40,768. Colson able to walk across the room carrying shoes or pans or whatever

40,769. learning to embrace the chaos

40,770. Libby app on phone

40,771. bluetooth speakers in kitchen

40,772. Rhythms of Renewal audiobook - so good!

40,773. able to get books from the library again

40,774. packed up tent before the rain

40,775. audiobooks for the van = opened up a whole new world

40,776. seeing Colson in the same clothes the other boys wore

40,777. encouraged by Stacey, Rachel, Katie K, Aidan's therapeutic writing for themselves that touches others

40,778. ability to stay at home

40,779. timer on the oven

40,780. 5Q Zoom group this morning

40,781. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy (Psalm 126)

40,782. getting the link to Hannah and Stephen's wedding

40,783. technology to make that possible

40,784. that I'm not planning a wedding now

40,785. how helpful the big boys are

40,786. rain for our tomato plants

40,787. 10 years ago tomorrow -- engaged!

Grandma - Centering on Christ

Back right pew.

Left side near the aisle.

That was their spot, so it became our spot, too.

As yummy as the chicken and noodles were, I'm so glad that Grandma passed down more than her food; her faith was incredibly important to her. My family attended the same church where my grandpa was the elder for 25 years and where my mom played the organ ever since she finished college. It was the one "just down the road" from my grandparents' house where we would attend before our Sunday night family gatherings.

I don't remember a ton of conversations with her about faith, but even as a kid, I recognized her spiritual influence. I remember intentionally giving her one of my VBS crafts (a butterfly picture that hung by her bed) because I wanted her to know how I appreciated how she had passed on her faith to me.  Whenever we would spend the night at her house, she'd remind us, "Say your prayers."  At church in that back pew, she'd slip candy to us when we were getting restless. She'd also give us a dollar to put in the offering plate as it passed.  

I learned more about her faith at her funeral.  Family members referenced her love for Jesus -- how she'd share the Gospel, study her Sunday School lesson, pray for her family, help the needy (financially, spiritually, in prayer). She looked for the good in people. She could always find something good to say about someone. If my uncle would be talking about someone singing way off key, she'd say, "Wasn't that good they sang with love in their hearts?"

There were three songs in particular that I remember Grandma particularly liking. I can still hear her singing "be glory-fied" in her warbling voice. Though we never had conversations about the words, I choose to believe that the song lyrics were the cry of her heart. This, too, is part of her legacy. I join the chorus, Lord. As my grandma sang, be glory-fied in my life today, too.

In my Life, Lord, Be Glorified

In my life, Lord, be glorified, be glorified

In my life, Lord, be glorified today.

In my song, Lord, be glorified, be glorified

In my song, Lord, be glorified today.

In Your church, Lord, be glorified, be glorified

In Your church, Lord, be glorified today.

Just a Closer Walk with Thee

I am weak but Thou art strong
Jesus keep me from all wrong
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee

Just a closer walk with Thee
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea
Daily walking close to Thee
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be

Here's a video my brothers and I made for my mom with the song 

"Just a Closer Walk with Thee"

I'd Rather Have Jesus

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold.

I'd rather be His than have riches untold;

I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands.

I'd rather be led by His nail-pierced hand

Than to be the king of a vast domain

or be held in sin's dread sway.

I'd rather have Jesus than anything 

this world affords today

This is a compilation of songs from our Free Will Baptist hymnal.  

At the 14:35 mark, there's the song "I'd Rather Have Jesus."

Grandma - Cooking

Paring knife in hand.

Slicing up strawberries.

First, the leaves; then, into halves or quarters, depending on the size of the strawberry.

It's one of the "triggers" that always reminds me of Grandma even though I don't do the final step of sprinkling sugar to mix with the strawberry "juices."  Sugared, cut-up strawberries were the strawberries of my childhood.  

Grandma was quite the cook. She worked in a school cafeteria (back when they had the freedom to actually do more cooking), nursing home cafeteria, and the hospital cafeteria . She started as a general cook and moved her way up to Head Baker (or whatever it was called). One of her "famous" recipes was Cherry Delight -- involving Dream Whip, graham cracker crumbles, and cherry pie filling. She cooked for her family and as a career, so I was always a bit surprised that my mom never cooked much after growing up as Dorothy's daughter.

Grandma was thrifty when it came to shopping for ingredients.  I remember going with her from Kroger to Aldi's to Harvest Market to purchase the sale items at each place.

Every time we were at Grandma's house, all the food in the kitchen was fair game. I'd snack on pickles, string cheese, and colby cheese (cut from the cylinder block) from the refrigerator and Little Debbies from the bottom cabinet below the microwave and glassware. I preferred the Fudge Rounds and Fancy Cakes; Jon was more of a Swiss Cake Rolls kind of guy. 

As far as a main dish, my two favorites that Grandma would make just for me were "fritters" in the deep fryer and grilled cheese on the stove. That's another Grandma trigger -- whenever I butter the bread and make a grilled cheese sandwich on the stove for my boys. 

My all-time favorite, though less frequent, was homemade chicken and noodles.  When I moved to Kentucky, I realized that my favorite meal was not a staple everywhere else. College friends would be confused: "Do you mean chicken noodle soup? Or chicken and dumplings?"  In my elementary school, the only time I'd eat a school lunch was every other Tuesday for chicken and noodles. (I had to keep track of the week because the other Tuesday was salisbury steak. Yuck.). Dear ladies at my church (Opal and Pat) would bring them to pitch-in meals, but I always loved when my grandma made them (and let me help!). She'd use her rolling pin to roll out the dough on the kitchen table. It was a big flour-y mess. I even ate some raw.  It's been a long time since I've had good old-fashioned homemade chicken and noodles.

Another thing everything loved (and I enjoyed more as I got older) was...

Grandma Dot's Sausage Balls

1 lb. sausage

2 1/4 c. Bisquik

1/2 pkg dry onion mix

1/2 lb grated cheese

1. Mix together with hands and shape into balls.
2. Bake 30 minutes at 350 or until browned (can be turned in pan during browning)

I remember helping her with the Sunday night staple of jello (always red and cut in squares in a big pan). During the times I was sick and would stay home from school with her, she'd let me drink some warm jello before it had set in the refrigerator. I also remember watching her make the old-fashioned popcorn on the stove, usually on a night when I slept over at her house. You'd heat the oil until it sizzled, then pour in the popcorn and put on the lid. I remember how she'd shake the pan back and forth, and eventually, the lid would start to lift up from all the popped popcorn. She'd dump it all into a big bowl and, while the pan was still hot, she'd melt some butter to drizzle on top. She'd also shake a fair amount of salt.

Helping her make food, watching her make food, and eating food aren't the only things I remember about spending time with Grandma. We would often play games together, like checkers or Uno or this Jungle-Book-themed card game (like Go Fish?). She had some toys and a tea set, and she would play with me to my heart's content.

Even though much of Grandma's time was spent preparing food for other people and for our family, I don't have a ton of pictures of her actually cooking. Again, as I reflect on the lack of photos of the "ordinary," I decided to take some "ordinary" pictures. And every time I butter bread for grilled cheese or pour hot jello into a pan or slice up strawberries, I think of my beloved grandma. I may never be the cook she was, but hopefully my sons and grandchildren will remember how I fed them well.

Getting ready to slice up the strawberries

I decided, in Grandma's memory, to add the sugar to the strawberries this time.
The boys loved them, of course!

Grandma - Cultivating "Home"

I say "Grandma's house," but it was really "Grandma and Grandpa's house."  In my mind, I think of it more as Grandma's house because she was a more active part of my childhood. My grandpa was around until I was 15 (first at the house, then at a nursing home), but by the time my memories started, his health was already declining due to Parkinson's. I think he was a fairly quiet man even in full health, but I hardly remember him saying much of anything my whole childhood. He took halting steps and spent most of his time around the table on Sunday nights or in his lift chair watching TV (I was always a bit self-conscious about the shows we were watching when he was in the room).

As I mentioned earlier, the majority of my memories of my grandma revolve around her house. Last night, I looked through old pictures trying to piece together in my mind what the house looked like. These little snapshots jogged so many long-forgotten memories about the furnishings of the home. It really was like walking back in time (green carpet, anyone? orange and green velvety couches?).

I always loved this silly picture. We always took a family picture at Christmas Eve of all the cousins together and each individual family unit. I'm over there on the right with my awesome red sweatshirt and sweatpants. Beth and Troy were probably newly married at that point, and Josh and Emily were little and fun to play with! Note the wooden door with the diamond window. This let out the front door, but we never used this door. We always came in through the side.

Another picture I loved of me and Chris. We always enjoyed playing together on Sunday nights and holidays.

Here we are one Easter. Grandma always had Easter baskets for us. I guess I'm about to throw an egg here. Above that couch was a huge picture of Jesus.

This is the view from the family room into the piano area and then the kitchen. There were several of those cut-away holes between rooms. To the left was an old-fashioned record player in the chest.  I'm not sure what all those trophies were from. Grandma had several nativities out at Christmas time.  Uncle Dennis is eyeing the piano. He used to play every Sunday night once people started to leave.

On to the kitchen. At this age, I often had my mouth open like that. This picture doesn't show much of the kitchen, but behind that chair was the old-fashioned (convection?) oven built into the cabinets. The stovetop was separate and between the counter and the sink.

This shows a bit of the Sunday night food spread, the counter-top stove, and the yellow curtains. 

We've got some lovely fashions here. There's a brown refrigerator with a Garfield magnet that said "Diets Stink." Garfield was pretty popular back then and the cartoonist is a fellow Hoosier.  Steph is standing at the "squeeze through" spot where the person sitting there would have to scoot up for us to be able to go from one end of the house to the other. The wooden door there leads to the room they built on the end of the house before I was born.

This was Grandma and Grandpa's bedroom, where the older cousins would watch TV when we could no longer agree on the same show. The window behind the bed used to lead outside but with the added room, it leads to another room! We always thought this was so cool and would climb through it, especially for a quick hide-and-seek getaway.  Eventually, Grandpa needed more of a hospital bed with better handles, so my last memories of this bedroom were of two beds in this room.

That door was the door that we would always use. Grandpa is sitting in his power-lift chair. The table had those flaps that would fold up. One of the little frames on the wall said, "Do not walk in front of me. I may not follow. Do not walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."  (or something like that!). I don't know why I still remember that, but I always loved looking at her pictures and collages and knickknacks. 

This was the main hangout spot on Sunday nights. Note the couch, lamp, ceiling-to-floor curtains, tiny TV. What was so normal back then now seems so...old! Does that make me old?

While I haven't rummaged through all the pictures, I realized that there are many angles and rooms that I do not have pictures of.  At the time, it didn't seem important to take a picture of the rotary phone in the wooden box or the pantry with the pull-string light. Plus, this was before the digital camera age, so every picture had to be printed and paid for. I have to rely on my memories for images of...

• the middle bedroom with the accordion doors, game closet, pull-down desk, sewing machine table
• the back bedroom with the cedar chest and mostly a storage room during my childhood
• the bathroom with a power dish that smelled like Grandma
• the basement (which was really like a cellar) with the rickety steps, metal pipe handrail, washer and dryer, pull-string lights, and extra canned good storage behind the curtained-off area. This area always gave me the creeps.
• the large garage that hosted many family garage sales over the years. We'd always eat ham and beans on those hot summer days. Grandma had an extra freezer out there with ever-ready popsicles!
• the old climbing tree and swing in the yard. There was a lilac bush, and that smell still reminds me of Grandma.

I still prioritize people in pictures, but this reflection has also prompted me to capture images of the lesser-photographed areas of my own home. For example, I don't know that I have a single picture of our laundry room! I wonder what my own boys will remember of our home. What are the things that seem normal now that will look "old-fashioned" decades down the road?  

Another wall hanging on one of the walls was "Home is where you hang your heart." Grandma cultivated a sense of "home" for us.  While I never actually lived at 130 N. 23rd, it definitely holds pieces of my heart!

Grandma - Creating Community Every Sunday Night

Sunday nights.

It was a given. 

Evening church, then Grandma's house.

I'll have to check with my mom to see how and when this was actually set into motion, but I don't remember a time in my childhood when we didn't go to Grandma's on Sunday nights. She kept this tradition until she moved out of her house to an assisted living facility.  Since this was such a regular gathering, many of my memories of my grandma are tied up in Sunday night family dinners. And here, on the week of what would have been her 100th birthday on earth, I reflect on the privilege of growing up with Dorothy Kinser as my grandma.

The People

On the north side of small town, Indiana, Grandma and Grandpa's house was just down the road from our church. We could count on the service ending right around the hour mark, and we usually didn't linger very long afterwards so that we could go straight to the house around 7:00. My mom was the middle child surrounded by brothers on either end, and they lived locally, too. This meant that it wasn't just my immediate family at our Sunday night gatherings. My uncles Doug and Dennis, both well-respected in our town, were there with their wives Jennifer and Jenny.  There was a bit of an age gap from me to my oldest cousins -- Michelle and Beth both got married when I was young. They each had a boy and a girl, so those cousins joined the mix, too, whenever they were in town. Dennis and Jenny had two kids that lined up with Jon and me. I was two months older than Chris.  His older sister Steph was the same age as my brother Jon. Built-in playmates every Sunday night! I have fond memories of...

• hiding Easter eggs all through the year
• climbing through the window between the bedroom and the added-on family room
• watching television like the old staple "America's Funniest Home Videos" with Bob Saget
• riding the big exercise bike
• playing on Grandpa's power lift chair (even though we probably weren't supposed to)
• going outside to play on the big swing or find cicada shells while climbing the tree
• playing games or making up something to do
• setting off the motion light on the side of the house when it got dark
• looking for slugs on the steps as we left (we'd always pour salt on them to watch them squirm, which, looking back, was pretty cruel)

The Food

Another big part of the gathering was the food! Since she was at church, too, Grandma would have everything prepped ahead of time. I remember...

• a cheese tray with string cheese cut into pieces and slices of colby cheese that she cut from the cylinder block
• cottage cheese and applesauce (often together!)
• a big pan of red jello
• pickles! My uncle used to tell me I'd turn into a pickle because I ate so many
• chips and that wonderful puffcorn
• lemon-lime and orange soda
• fresh chocolate chip cookies. They were always small and slightly crispy on the bottom.

I'm sure there was more, but these are the foods I remember. Hey -- I was a kid! Jello was the type of thing that filled my plate! I also liked it when Grandma picked up a platter of roast beef from the Hardee's down the road.

The adults would all sit around the big table in the kitchen. I rarely spent any time there on Sunday nights. For one thing, it was pretty crowded (we'd always have to squeeze behind the person next to the refrigerator to get to the other side of the house). For another thing, it was hard for me as a kid to get a word in. Sometimes, I would think of something to contribute to the conversation but by the time there was a pause long enough for me to add my thoughts, the topic had already changed. 

My family was usually the last to leave. Dad would always say "Thanks for us!" as we walked out. I never understood that phrase. Thanks for giving us food? Thanks for having us over? We'd look for slugs as we stepped down to the van (and run back inside for the salt if we spotted any). As we drove away, we'd give a "toot toot." I'm not sure where that originated from either, but it essentially means "Goodbye! We love you!" I still do it when leaving a family member's house to this day.

Now that I have a family of my own, I would love for my boys to have the type of "Sunday night" atmosphere that was such a formative part of my own childhood. The boys do have cousins who line up nicely to their ages, like I did with Steph and Chris. We often get together for family dinners, but it's not as consistent of a fixture as every Sunday night. And now with COVID-19 social distancing, we haven't gotten together much at all. Sigh...

As I've been reflecting on my memories of my grandma, I realize that many of them center not on specific words or stories but the atmosphere of "home" that she created and the culture of "family" that she cultivated. She set up the regular time and space for us to gather as a family and have shared conversations and shared experiences. And even though I don't remember a single conversation that I tried to interrupt, I remember the love from that table. And from those homemade chocolate chip cookies. Thanks, Grandma, for filling my belly and heart every Sunday night. 

Enjoying jello with my "cuz"
(probably on a Sunday night)

Homeschooling Journey Part 3

(written in my prayer journal on 3-31-20)

Yeshua,

I feel uniquely suited for homeschooling -- loving to teach all ages and subjects (even specials), having experience teaching in public/private and general classroom/specials, being able to enrich the curriculum and challenge gifted learners, teaching the whole child and bringing in discipleship, having an awesome "outdoor classroom" in our backyard/creek/woods, having several homeschooling co-ops in Lexington, having the space in our house, having a husband who also works from home (and can teach upper level math and science!). I've mentioned before that I have felt a "mental shift" in no longer feeling like I teach 5th grade and instead feeling the pull to teach my own children. At the same time, this is a BIG decision with major repercussions and sacrifices. I LOVE Summit, and we LOVE Clays Mill, and it's hard to imagine walking away from both of them. 

I even have to fight against real prejudice toward homeschooling -- I'm a proud product of public schools and a big fan, and I grew up with a less-than-stellar view of homeschooling. I also wonder if my kids will "miss out" on opportunities like band, and I wonder if we can make the financial leap -- giving up my salary + paying for curriculum and such. And could I really handle that much time with my family? Some things would be harder than "coronaschooling" (actually having to decide on curriculum, responsible for getting through more than we are now), and some would be easier (able to go to the library and other fieldtrips, connection to a homeschool group).

All this to say, I really feel like this is from You (starting to get my wheels turning through my seminary class and then setting up this unprecedented time at home), but I don't want to jump the gun. Am I just making assumptions? Am I making a big decision at a time when you're not supposed to make big decisions? I don't think I would have come to this conclusion on my own, but I want to be prayerful, not just thoughtful (praying about it, not just thinking about it). I'd like to avoid this decision as long as possible, but my principal wants my intent form this week. "Not returning" feels too soon. "Returning" feels dishonest.

[Note: Often after journaling a prayer, I will listen for Jesus' response. I write what comes to mind. I'm not claiming for these words to be the "inspired words of God," but I do believe God speaks and wants to speak to us if we will listen. In my journal, I write my own prayers in cursive and then His responses in all caps.]

MARY, I HAVE SPOKEN, I AM SPEAKING, I WILL CONTINUE TO SPEAK. I THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER. IT'S NOT LESS THAN. IT'S WHAT I MADE YOU FOR. STEP INTO IT WITH CONFIDENCE KNOWING THAT I HAVE PREPARED THE WAY BEFORE YOU.

Homeschooling Journey Part 2

(written 4-1-20)

I remember leaving Providence

    and thinking

        "I'll never have a job description

            like this --

                preschool - middle school

                music, technology

                gifted/talented, library

            --ever again

But then I stepped into my role at Summit

    and loved

        teaching all subject areas

        focusing on discipleship

        planning creative days and projects

        packing in the fieldtrips

        leading chapel for K-5

And I'm just now realizing

    that homeschooling 

        is the culmination of ALL these things I love

                                    and ALL these things I'm good at

With homeschooling,

    I get to teach multiple ages

                    AND multiple subjects

                    (core subjects AND specials)

            The fieldtrips! The creativity! The discipleship!

                gifted/talented AND intervention

It's becoming more appealing 

    by the day

Homeschooling Journey Part 1

(written 3-20-20)

For the past two months,

    my "Discipleship in the Home" class had primed the pump

        for...homeschooling

I've always said I could never do it

I love teaching in the classroom too much

I'd go crazy at home all the time

    but here I am enjoying it more than I ever thought possible

Day 2 of homeschooling, which went well,

    was also the day that Mary Friedeman

        was our guest lecturer

            and she discussed it

                (Coincidence? I think not)

Day 4 of homeschooling was blissful

    after the Day 3 chaos and meltdowns

        and "What's going well?" -Me

               "Nothing." -Carter

Day 4 was a different story

    "What your low?" -Me

     "No low." -Carter

We THRIVED on the time together and apart

                                  time outside and inside

                                  time being silly and being serious

And I told Lucas to entertain the possibility

    of being a homeschool family even after all this is over

I know I can't make decisions so flippantly

    but I think You may have been preparing me for this all along

So today, I'm starting the application process for VIPKid

    and starting to change my mindset

        as I try on this way of life

            not just for these quarantined days

                but for our family's future